I'm done with this game.
I'm done with the fact my faction is dead. The faction I've spent months of efforts to maintain and keep active, months that felt like extremely unfun work (instead of what they should have been, fun - because it's a video game and games are supposed to be fun, right?), and now it's so dead that I can't even delegate any leader duties to others, because literally all who is left are people who are already in leadership positions, those who aren't interested, and newbies. Starmourn is not a big game right now and none of the factions are particularly big, but neither Song nor SH are as dead as CA is, and I can't shake the feeling I'm responsible for that somehow.
I'm done with the PvP community, and being constantly told to git gud because I can't win a 2v4 fight or because I have an opinion that goes against the grain, such as deciding not to use mudlet (which I find ugly and unappealing). I'm done with PvP itself being high stakes and how it's apparently a controversial opinion not to want to lose hard earned ingame resources in a one-sided conflict for minimal gain. When I tried to instill a sense of not being a griefer in the community, I experienced intense pushback time and time again, both from people who think it's in-character so it's okay to do, and those who think it's just a game so you shouldn't worry so much about what happens in it. Nevermind that the ingame losses suffered still require time to recoup, sometimes hours of time wasted that are no less real just because you spend them in a game.
I'm done with my efforts at RP falling flat, having found myself challenged to write interesting emotes and things to say and feeling extremely inadequate for it.
I came to Starmourn with a goal in mind, to be a great and memorable player, but in the end the only memorable thing I achieved is the number of OOC arguments I've caused. Everything else was an uphill battle that ended in failure and I no longer have the motivation to deal with that. Dropping the game and nothing of value is lost.